"I can't do it anymore," I cried into the phone as I rolled
over on my bed and listened with bated breath for Alice to reply.
I really had reached my limits, in fact, I was beyond them, and I
didn't know where else to turn. Alice had always been good about bringing me
back from the ledge, even though there wasn't really much she could do with
this situation, and she knew it just as well as I did.
We had met in the first year we started high school and had been the
best of friends ever since. She coached the shy girl in me to be a little bit
more daring. So, when mom wasn't around, I wore my clothes differently and
rebelled against the smallest of things. I wore make-up, was more confident in
myself and had a wicked tongue that Alice always laughed at me for.
Alice always said that I had changed from a quiet church mouse to a
panther. I didn't always believe her, because underneath the make-up and
clothes, I was still that quiet girl sometimes.
I never reverted back to how I used to be, but sometimes I found myself
wishing that I was that girl again. Not for any reason in particular, but it
was always nice to sit, chill out and read a book, or whisper instead of
shouting to be heard.
"I don't know what else to suggest, baby girl, but we need to look
over your options. You know that I would have you here if dad wasn't the way he
is, but I'm sure there's something out there for you. Maybe you could get a
live-in job, like a nanny or something?" she hedged as I sat up on my bed,
looked around the room and then fell back down with a thump.
Mom had me when she was just shy of eighteen and from the day I was
born, I was blamed for everything. It was always thrown back in my face that if
she hadn't of had me, she would have had a different life to the one she had
now.
My dad would have stayed around, she would have had a better job, a man
might like her without having to worry about a tag along little girl. You name
it, and it was thrown back in my face.
Over the last couple of years she had made it all the more obvious that
I was just a thorn in her side, and now that I had graduated, she was making my
life even more miserable.
Every day she would circle jobs and apartments in the local and
national and leave them out on the table for me. She talked nonstop, when she
was actually home, about how she would change my room into something that she
wanted when I had finally moved out and had even stopped buying things for me,
not that I needed much, but it still hurt that she couldn't wait to get rid of
me and made it blindingly obvious too.
"I'm half tempted to stand on a street corner for a sugar
daddy," I joked, not believing my own words for a second. I would never
lower myself to a degrading level like that, but in all honesty, if it paid the
bills…
"Don't you dare talk about things like that, Bella, do you know
how dangerous that could be? You don't have a clue about who is out
there," Alice hissed down the phone loud enough to make me pull it away
from my ear.
"It was a joke, Alice," I replied with a roll of my eyes as I
sat up and managed to boot up my computer with my big toe.
~(*)~
After our long assed debate on what I could do for a job and how to get
an apartment fast, Alice came over so we could look on the Internet for some
inspiration.
I was lost in a sea of pages upon pages of shit and close to throwing a
bitch fit. Why did anyone want to hire someone with letters after their names
and degrees in fuck knows what if they were only stock checking and re-filling
shelves?
When Alice turned up, she brought snacks with her, so I was slightly
less pissed about my situation. If there was one thing that chilled me out, it
was snacking and good chic flicks. Alice and I were strict enough with
ourselves to work off all the calories that we consumed, so I had no guilt
ridden thoughts as we stuffed our faces into the small hours of the morning.
"There has to be something out there," she cooed as she
kissed my head when I growled at the computer monitor. Honestly, I knew that
economic climate was hard out there, but was it really this bad?
"Not that I can find, it's either a diner job or factory work and
no one near here is offering jobs," I replied sullenly as I sat up on my
bed. I looked around the room once more and thought about what it would feel
like to actually move out. It didn't feel that bad to be honest. I loved my mom
dearly, despite the fact that she didn't love me in return, but I couldn't wait
to get away from this place now. I loved the town, but not the people in it.
"What are you looking for, anything specific?" she asked as
she opened up a packet of Granola Thins. She offered the packet to me and I
took a few, trying to form the words.
"Anything really, but I know there's nothing round here to do. I
want to get away from here, Alice, I'm desperate to, but I think mom's holding
me back. I know she wants me out, but surely she can't dislike me that much to
ignore me if I did stay in the area?" I answered sadly as I popped the
snacks in my mouth. I had no reason to stay here, but at the same time, maybe
if I wasn't under mom's feet all the time, we could at least stay in contact,
maybe even be friends.
I wouldn't hold my breath though.
"You need to look further afield hun, there's nothing around here
for you," she mumbled sadly.
I think this was her way of saying to not get my hopes up on mom, not
that I really would.
"You're here." I gave her a sexy smirk as I nudged her
shoulder playfully. I didn't know what I would do if Alice wasn't in my life.
It was weird how she could either calm me down or psych me up when needed.
"Very true, but no doubt, wherever you go, I'll follow. You know I
hate this place as much as you do," she said with a wicked smile.
"Love you, Ali," I said softly as I kissed her lips.
We weren't dating, never had done. In fact, we weren't even gay, we
just kissed, and some other stuff every now and then when times called for it,
but we both liked boys, men. However, we were comfortable enough with ourselves
and each other to give into a little mutual pleasuring when the dating scene
was running dry or when we were stressed and needed something to chill us out.
I can't even tell you how or why it happened, but we both put it down
to experience.
"Love you too, babe, but let's keep looking for jobs."
A few hours later and we had dwindled down the options to a few, but
nothing was available when I called the numbers listed.
I wanted to throw the phone across the other side of the room by the
time I got to the bottom of the list, but yet again Alice was there to calm me
down and talk me through things. This was only my first proper day of searching
for jobs, so I just needed to keep looking and keep calm.
Easier said than done though.
Alice left a short while later, stating that she had to get dinner ready
for her dad and left me to it.
If I got a job out of this town, it would kill me to be away from her.
Despite the fact that she said she would come with me, I knew that she would
find it hard. Her father was a tyrant and ruled his house with an iron fist. If
she even suggested moving out, he would lock the doors and windows.
That's why she didn't end up going to college. He wouldn't let her. His
view was that a woman's place was in the home, so she needed no further
education.
It crippled her.
She was such an intelligent girl and could go so much further than what
her father saw for her.
I sadly made my way downstairs as I thought about what I could fix
myself for dinner.
I knew for a fact that mom would be out for most of the night, if not
all of it, so it would be just something simple.
As I got some stuff ready, I rolled my eyes as I cleared the counter of
the newspapers that mom had left out for me again.
And that's when I noticed the advert.
It called for young women to apply for a live in position who were
great at working in small groups and who weren't camera shy. The details didn't
go into anything further, but there was an email address listed.
I quickly ran back up the stairs so I could shoot off an email to them
in the hope that they would get it before the close of business for the
weekend.
With that done, I quickly grabbed a sandwich before getting my things
ready for my small and meaningless shift at the library in the morning.
The town we lived in was so small, they couldn't afford to pay me much
at all, but it did help out when it had come to school books in the past as
they let me have them at the trade price and not retail. Yet another thing my
mom couldn't bitch at me for, how much money I cost her.
I knew for a fact that it wasn't even worth asking them for a full time
job, but as I had some experience with the system here in town, I made a point
to see if there were any positions in the next town over, or even in the city,
over the next few days. I mean, it couldn't hurt to find out, surely.
As the evening wore on, I thought more and more about the job that I
had put my interest in.
A live-in position would be fantastic and would get me away from here,
which would be the highlight of it all, if mom really would cut off contact
like I thought she would. I had no idea about the camera side of things, but
I'd worked with some technical stuff that the library when it was called for,
so hopefully it would be enough.
As I came out of the shower with just my towel wrapped around me, my
email pinged and I instantly thought it would have been a reply from the agency
about the job. Sadly it wasn't though. It was just Alice checking on me. I
replied, saying that I may have possibly found a job and as soon as I sent the
email, she all but demanded the details so that she could apply for it too as
it stated 'women' between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, so there was
obviously more than one job going.
I laughed as I sent her the details and wished her goodnight.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought more and more about the job I knew
nothing about.
I ended up craving for it as I drifted into dreamland.
