Chapter 21

BPOV

I thought I was doing a good job at holding things together, but as I held one of the lists in front of me, my fingers started to shake.

I went to bed happy last night, I knew that, but when I woke up this morning, to the strange room and with Edward lying next to me, the weight of everything had started to sink in.

I was always good at ignoring or pushing things back, repressing bad memories, but this was something completely different.

It was true that I had nothing to lose by doing this, because I really didn’t, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it all.

I blamed Edward, I really did.

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly his fault, but the way he was with me, the way he made me feel, was it so wrong to want to feel like that? Was it wrong to think that I could feel loved?

I knew love was a strong word to use after less than twenty-four hours, but he made me feel cherished and loved. The simple touches, his smiles and the way he whispered in my ear... it all added up to feeling amazing, for the first time in my life. I had felt like this before, when Alice would touch me, kiss me even, but with Edward, it was something completely different.

I could put it all down to teenage hormones, or maybe it was because I was in shock about the job, or maybe it was because I had left home without even telling my mother, but I knew it wasn’t, it was Edward.

All Edward.

I have never, and will never believe in love at first sight, but it was certainly infatuation that I had going on with Edward and I just prayed that it would either burn itself out and I could break away cleanly, or for it to deepen and we could really make a go of it.

Either way, I hoped it would be painless.

“Bella, you okay? You’re still on the same page,” Edward whispered softly in my ear and I smiled.

“Sure, just reading and re-reading,” I murmured as I started to read it again from the beginning.

There was no time scale set, but we would have monthly rolling contracts. Our wages were at a set rate, but we would get 3% of the profits as a bonus each month on top of what we would be paid, so the more paying customers we had coming back each month, the more we would get paid.

We would be recorded 24/7, but there would be areas in the house where the cameras weren’t allowed to go, like our private bathrooms and the sound would also be turned off at intervals to discuss issues like what the viewers wanted, so we would always have a chance to voice our own concerns about things if need be.

We weren’t allowed to play up to the cameras unless it was when a crew came into the house and I thought that would be a good thing. Maybe the longer I was in the house, the less I would think about the cameras if they weren’t shoved in my face the whole time.

That being said, the crew would come in once or twice a week to film close ups, but I could always say no if I wanted to.

Yeah, I’d be saying no.

Having tiny cameras mounted up into the corners of the rooms were fine, sort of, but huge cameras with men holding them, was another thing altogether.

Personal care was up to us, like whether we wanted to be waxed or not, but that didn’t bother me as I’d been waxing since the day I started growing hair down there. I wasn’t fussed about my hair style either, but they would provide a stylist to come in if we wanted.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable with having our clothes provided for us, Mr. Cullen, I trust you, I really do, but I’m not wearing something that I don’t like for the appeal of the viewers,” Alice broke through my train of thought.

“I agree, if you don’t mind. Alice has been shopping for me since I can remember, but to have someone else decide what I wear? I couldn’t do that,” I murmured as I thought about G strings cutting me in two.

“I’m sure we can work out the details, but you have to remember that sometimes it just won’t be possible to leave the house to go shopping and it would be easier if we gave your details to a personal shopper,” Esme said with a kind smile as I thought.

“Well, how about us girls shop for the more personal items and a personal shopper comes here to go over our tastes. Once that’s done, they can get stuff for us, leaving us free to do other things,” I said as I looked at Edward.

“That sounds like a great idea, sweetheart,” he smiled, then kissed the tip of my nose.

I smiled in return as I went back to reading the list.

Although we were to only sleep with our partners at first, we were encouraged to ‘explore’ with other members of the house.

Yeah, girls are fine, guys, not gonna happen.

Edward and I had discussed this, so I didn’t make a point about it in front of the others.

Sex toys would be provided if we would like them.

I briefly thought about the toy I’d left back home. It was as basic as they came, but it had served its purpose. I wondered what it would be like with other toys, and what it would be like to use them if Edward was with me, watching.

My body gave a little pleasurable shudder to that which caused Edward’s arm to tighten round my waist.

God, we hadn’t even done anything, apart from kissing a few times, and here I was thinking about using sex toys with him!

Birth control was next on the list and I quickly jotted down what I used. It also reminded me to talk to the doctor when we saw him or her that I needed to have it replaced within the next few weeks.

Edward raised an eyebrow to me as he saw what I wrote and I giggled at him.

Condoms were on the list too, but I was confused.

“What’s bareback?” I asked Edward quietly.

“It’s when you don’t use condoms, I always have, as I explained, but they are optional, so if you don’t want to use them, we need to talk about that,” he whispered in reply and it was only when Carlisle coughed that we turned our attention back to the room.

“How does everyone feel about things?” he asked. I shrugged, Alice grinned and Rose kissed Emmett.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Edward a bit more before I sign anything, is that okay?” I asked softly and Esme smiled kindly again.

“I think that would be a great idea. In fact, I think we should give you all a few days to spend some time together and really talk things through before anything is signed, how does that sound?” she asked and we all nodded.

A few minutes later, Edward and I said had said our goodbyes to everyone as we walked out of the house and into the sunny garden with our paperwork.

“You ready to go over it all?”

“Yeah, but I have an important question and I want you to be honest with me, Edward,” I replied seriously as he sat down on the grass amongst the rose bushes.