Chapter 17

BPOV

He must have been serious if he would even help me through school if I didn’t want to stay here.

“Okay,” I heard myself saying before I had even thought it all through properly.

What the hell had I just gotten myself into?

Could I even do this? Lower myself to this?

Did I really have much of a choice?

Out of everything that had gone through my mind in the car, it was in no way close to this.

A porn star?

That thought actually made me feel sick.

So did the thought that Edward was only being sweet with me because they had a lot riding on this.

Could I really have thought that he would have liked me for being just me? If we had met in a normal situation, dated et cetera... would he still have acted the same way towards me?

I was now thousands of miles away from everything I knew and I had no choice but to stay here.

I didn’t have the money to go anywhere else, not without Alice.

Alice.

I saw the way she was with Jasper earlier. Did she already know? Would she be prepared to stay here and go through with all of this?

Fuck it. I hated to be so confused!

“Don’t over think, Bella, it will come naturally for you, I promise,” Edward whispered in my ear as I snuggled deeper into the covers and onto his chest.

Well what the hell did that mean?

“You make me sound like a whore,” I growled as I sat up and glared at him.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that, I swear,” he pleaded as he held his hands up in surrender.

I could see the hurt and confusion on his face as I glared at him.

“Then what did you mean, because that hurt, Edward,” I grumbled.

He leant forward and picked me up like he had earlier in the day and positioned me on his lap so I was straddling him. My naked thighs pressed up against his and I tried so very hard to keep still.

I couldn’t understand what my body and mind were doing. I was so confused about this situation, yet I wanted to trust him, to put my life in his hands and let him guide me, but I didn’t know how.

It had been me and Alice for so long, and then he comes along and bam, I can’t think about anything else. Then I had this new job on top of everything else and I just felt really out of my depth.

“You’re a natural beauty and if you don’t mind me saying this, you like to please people. You have a beautiful smile and an exquisite body. You are great for the job in that respect, but also great for me. We have a brilliant chemistry already and I want to explore that, on and off of the camera,” he smiled at his last words and slowly leaned forward to kiss me, which I let him do.

I decided, right in that moment as his soft lips brushed against mine, that I would let him guide me.

If he would walk by my side and show me everything he knew, then I would do it. I had no other option, really, and if it meant that I could stay with him, then I’d do it.  I was willingly to try at least.

No doubt this would all come crashing down around me eventually, but at this precise moment, I couldn’t care any less.

“Shit, Bella, not like this,” he whined against my lips as I kissed him back, harder, and started to naturally grind my hips down onto him.

I could feel him, and his reaction to me, and I couldn’t stop myself.

“Bella, slowly, please, because otherwise I’ll take back what I said about being a gentleman,” he whispered against my lips again.

Did I really have that effect on him, or was he acting?

I needed him to tell me.

He could talk all he liked, but he was an actor, of sorts, he could make anything believable.

I pouted playfully against his lips and almost came on the spot when he growled in reply and flipped us over so he was hovering above me.

“We have things to talk about before we go any further, baby, so please... give us a little bit of time,” he pleaded again and it made me giggle.

Baby?

He looked so frazzled but at my giggle, he relaxed and a gleam appeared in his eyes.

“You know, you’re taking this better than what I thought you would,” he said as he kissed me again and then rolled to the side, pulling me with him so I was lying on his chest again.

It felt so natural already and that was confusing me.

I shouldn’t feel like this.

It was too soon.

But I liked it.

Was that wrong?

No.

It was what it was.

 “I have nothing else, and it’s not like I actually know anyone who would watch this stuff, and of course I have you by my side, so I would hope that you will protect me if things go wrong,” I hedged, hopeful that he would stick by me.

I was sick and tired of looking after myself. Would it hurt so much to have someone care for me, to look after me for a change?

 “I will always be there, baby, but this is a huge decision to make in the blink of an eye. Look, have dinner with us, talk over the terms with us and dad, talk to Alice even and go from there, don’t rush into it,” he said and I could hear an edge to his voice.

“Sheesh, Edward, it’s only sex on film, I’m not signing my life away. You sound like you’re trying to talk me out of it now,” I said with a humorless laugh.

I could act too.

I could hide my fears from him, hopefully.

It wasn’t every day that a young girl from a small town just decided to take a job at being a porn star. Okay, so not a porn star, but you know what I mean.

“No, not at all, but it is a life changing decision to make, Bella. I want you to be absolutely sure that you’re doing the right thing. And as for the sex? It would never be just sex with you, I hope you know that.” If we weren’t in this awkward position, I think I might have swooned.

“Okay, so it would be like making a sex tape with my boyfriend and ‘accidentally on purpose’ leaking it online,” I giggled before I made my face go straight, “Will you be my boyfriend, Edward, so we can make sex tapes?” He rolled his eyes playfully as I burst out laughing.

I think I was losing the plot, I really did.

“You seem to be in a very good mood, Miss. Swan.” He swatted my ass as he shifted from underneath me to stand up.

God, his ass was perfect.

“I am in a good mood, I was thinking on the way here that you would make me be your bride in some fixed marriage and have your wicked way with me,” I laughed as I rolled onto my back and his eyes went wide.

“And being filmed 24-7, while having sex, is better than an arranged marriage?” He laughed as he handed me a robe that was draped over the back of a chair.

“Of course. At least I could walk away if I had to, who knows what would happen if I was forced to marry a stranger and for all I know, he could have chained me to the kitchen sink.” I giggled as he crawled back onto the bed and hovered over me.

“So, out of having constant sex with a stranger or being forced to marry, you take option one?” he asked as he arched a brow to me.

“Only if the stranger is you,” I smiled before his face became serious.

“What about Alice? Do you not need to talk to her about it?” he asked as he laid back down next to me.

Christ, we were like musical statues, but moving instead.

“I’ll talk to her, but by the looks of how she was sitting on Jasper’s lap, I’d say that she would be happy to stay here too,” I smiled again as he kissed my cheek.

“You know, just to forewarn you, the viewers can have some mighty strange requests. We can make it perfectly clear what you will and won’t do, but the ratings and money will go up if you do as much as they say,” he said carefully as he took my hand in his.

“Like what?” I asked, worried that I would have to do some strange and fucked up things.

“Well, the most common ones would be for you to be with a girl, or a threesome, normally with another guy, but there have been some strange films made in the past, so this is where I say that anything is possible.” He tried to laugh it off, but I could see that he was uncomfortable with some aspects.

“I can do girls, Alice and I have explored, but with another guy?” I scrunched up my nose, my brain kicking into overdrive again as I tried to picture how with another guy I’d have to be... like a girl and guy... or two guys, which would mean... I paled.

“You think about it and we’ll talk about it all, probably tomorrow morning. I’m assuming that you haven’t done that, so if you decide you’re okay with it, we’ll need to do some, um, preparation but right now you have to get dressed so I can feed you,” he chuckled again and he got up and pulled me with him as I just nodded numbly, my thoughts still on having two men... at the same time.